Woman so grumpy, she’s not even giving a fuck anymore – she’s giving negative fucks

A woman who has become so disenchanted with life has gone past the point of not giving a fuck anymore. Gladys Throbbon is now at the point where she is now giving negative fucks. She told Grumpy Fuckers: “When I was born, my Mamma told me that life was such a wonderful adventure and that […]

Doctors receptionists voted Grumpiest Fuckers in the World 2017

Doctors receptionists have claimed the title of this year’s Grumpiest Fuckers in the World. It means that they have successfully defended the crown they won last year. Gloria Grumpydrawers, Treasurer of the Grumpy Doctors Receptionists Guild said: “We are delighted to have won this title for a second time. We undergo a lot of training […]

Wife files for divorce after husband fails to dispose of empty toilet roll holder

An angry wife has filed for divorce from her husband after her failed to dispose of an empty toilet roll holder. Rita Bunce’s husband Terry left the toilet roll holder in the bathroom, even when the bin was right next to him. Rita told Grumpy Fuckers: “I can’t believe I married that lazy slob. He […]

Grumpy mother sends kids to school dressed as Kindles for World Book Day

A grumpy mother has sent her three children to school dressed as Kindles for World Book Day. Debbie WideArse said she really didn’t have the time to make up any other fancy dress outfits. She told Grumpy Fuckers: “Every week there seems to be something I have to make or create for my kids to […]

Nationwide protests demand that politicians stop making everyone grumpy

Protests have broken out across the country, demanding that politicians stop turning people into grumpy fuckers. 100,000 people have lined the capital, chanting and holding placards to show how angry they are. One protester told Grumpy Fuckers: “I’m sick of it. Every time I turn on the TV, there’s some dickhead just waiting to rile […]

Obesity linked to eating too much shit

Scientists have successfully established a link between obesity and eating too much shit. The boffins concluded that eating too much shit makes you fat fucker. Prof. Brian CleverClogs told Grumpy Fuckers: “We’ve finally established a conclusive link between obesity and eating shit. Of course, there are people who are overweight through no fault of their […]

Are you grumpy enough to work at this coffee shop?

A world-famous coffee shop is recruiting new members of staff but on one condition – that they’re a Grumpy Fucker. Grumpy Fuckers Coffee Shop is looking for miserable bastards to serve up coffee and pick up crap after people. Manager Clive Grimgrits said: “We’ve had grumpy fuckers coming here from all over the world. Most […]

Mr Motivator gets old and rebrands as Mr Demotivator

Britain’s leading TV fitness instructor has rebranded after getting old. Derrick Evans, most commonly known as Mr Motivator has since repackaged himself as Mr Demotivator. He told Grumpy Fuckers: “You get to a certain point in your life when you think ‘I really can’t be arsed’. Things that you thought were important like doing 5 […]

Wife who told husband not to buy anything for Valentine’s Day disappointed that husband didn’t buy anything for Valentine’s Day

A woman who specifically told her husband not to buy her anything for Valentine’s Day has told of her disappointment that her husband didn’t buy her anything for Valentine’s Day. Joan ‘Joan’ Strumpet, 39, told her husband not to spend any money on Valentine’s Day but to put it towards a holiday. Husband Dean didn’t […]

Mexican President: We’re going to build a fucking tunnel

Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto has announced that Mexico is going to build a tunnel under the Mexico/US border. He said that the Americans were going to pay for the tunnel, which will cost $324bn. He told Grumpy Fuckers: “Trump can boast all he likes about his fucking wall. I said to the missis last […]

Now we know why birds sing so beautifully in the mornings

Professor Brian CleverClogs published his discovery in the latest edition of the respected medical journal, The Scrotal Bulletin.

A recent survey has finally revealed why birds sing so beautifully in the mornings. Professor Brian CleverClogs published his discovery in the latest edition of the respected medical journal, The Scrotal Bulletin. He told GrumpyFuckers: “This study has taken us all over the world and we now know why birds sing so beautifully in the […]

REVEALED: Why do women take so fucking long doing anything?

The reason why women take so long doing anything has been revealed in the findings of a new study. The study showed that women take so long doing anything because they’re so fucking slow. Professor CleverClogs of the University of Nowhere in Particular told GrumpyFuckers: “Women take longer because they like to do things properly. […]

Grumpy Fuckers prepare for Grumpy Fuckers Day 2017

Grumpy fuckers from all over the world are preparing for the first-ever worldwide International Grumpy Fuckers Day. Monday 30th January will see grumpy fuckers from all over the world moaning about how shit their lives are like they do on any other day. Organiser Clive GrimGrits, who runs Grumpy Fuckers’ Coffee Shop, told Grumpy Fuckers: […]

Man tells work colleagues he has a twin to avoid speaking to them in public

A man has told his work colleagues that he has a twin so that he can avoid talking to them outside of work. Jimmy Thundergunt said he thinks his work colleagues are boring assholes and doesn’t want to associate with them more than he has to. He told GrumpyFuckers: “I’m quite a tolerant person but […]

Tube Chat badge for Grumpy Fuckers launched

tube-chat

A new set of badges discouraging people from chatting on London’s Underground has been launched. It comes in response to an earlier initiative called Tube Chat, that tried to encourage commuters to chat, but ultimately went to shit. One London commuter told Grumpy Fuckers. “The last thing on earth that any commuter wants to do […]

PROVEN: Owls are just fat, grumpy pigeons

A leading bird scientist has proven that owls are just fat, grumpy pigeons. Prof. Timmy Cleverclogs made the announcement to a packed conference last night. He told delegates: “We’ve all see them – these grumpy overweight birds with attitude. They stay up all night, giving mouses a hard time and all that shit. We took […]