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- Police given new powers to shoot next person to ask ‘All ready for Christmas?’
- 17 year old girl vanishes after using moisturiser that makes you look 20 years younger
- Queues at shopping malls as dickheads return the shit they bought on Black Friday
- The average dog spends 25 minutes looking for the perfect place to shit
- Santa asking kids to leave out gin and donuts this year
- Hold on to your wheels! It’s International Dickhead Driver Day!
- PROVEN: Women fart glitter that sound like unicorn’s laughter and smell like rainbows
- Woman ‘gutted’ to discover Facebook notification was just a Candy Crush invitation from an irrelevant person
- New camouflage gear shop goes unnoticed by locals
- Porn film banned for ‘falsely portraying plumber turning up when he said he would’
- Rescue workers recover 643 bodies after 2-seater plane crashes into cemetery
- Police given new powers to beat holy shit out of motorists who don’t indicate
- Men to get free evening classes to learn how to put things back once they’ve used them
- Band release shit Christmas single – and insist you buy it ‘because it’s for charity’
- Mother-of-six takes frozen Christmas turkey out to defrost
- Refuse lorries ‘swore and threatened pedestrians’ while reversing
- 4 out of 5 teenagers think safe sex ‘involves having a handrail around the bed’
- Shoppers left speechless by woman ‘ready to pay at supermarket checkout’
- Woman jailed after performing ‘DIY colonic irrigations with Mr Muscle Sink Unblocker and plunger’
- CLAIM: I’ve put on 32 stone with SpeedySlim shakes