Category Archives: News

Grumpy mother sends kids to school dressed as Kindles for World Book Day

A grumpy mother has sent her three children to school dressed as Kindles for World Book Day. Debbie WideArse said she really didn’t have the time to make up any other fancy dress outfits. She told Grumpy Fuckers: “Every week there seems to be something I have to make or create for my kids to […]

Nationwide protests demand that politicians stop making everyone grumpy

Protests have broken out across the country, demanding that politicians stop turning people into grumpy fuckers. 100,000 people have lined the capital, chanting and holding placards to show how angry they are. One protester told Grumpy Fuckers: “I’m sick of it. Every time I turn on the TV, there’s some dickhead just waiting to rile […]

Obesity linked to eating too much shit

Scientists have successfully established a link between obesity and eating too much shit. The boffins concluded that eating too much shit makes you fat fucker. Prof. Brian CleverClogs told Grumpy Fuckers: “We’ve finally established a conclusive link between obesity and eating shit. Of course, there are people who are overweight through no fault of their […]

Are you grumpy enough to work at this coffee shop?

A world-famous coffee shop is recruiting new members of staff but on one condition – that they’re a Grumpy Fucker. Grumpy Fuckers Coffee Shop is looking for miserable bastards to serve up coffee and pick up crap after people. Manager Clive Grimgrits said: “We’ve had grumpy fuckers coming here from all over the world. Most […]

Mr Motivator gets old and rebrands as Mr Demotivator

Britain’s leading TV fitness instructor has rebranded after getting old. Derrick Evans, most commonly known as Mr Motivator has since repackaged himself as Mr Demotivator. He told Grumpy Fuckers: “You get to a certain point in your life when you think ‘I really can’t be arsed’. Things that you thought were important like doing 5 […]

Wife who told husband not to buy anything for Valentine’s Day disappointed that husband didn’t buy anything for Valentine’s Day

A woman who specifically told her husband not to buy her anything for Valentine’s Day has told of her disappointment that her husband didn’t buy her anything for Valentine’s Day. Joan ‘Joan’ Strumpet, 39, told her husband not to spend any money on Valentine’s Day but to put it towards a holiday. Husband Dean didn’t […]

Mexican President: We’re going to build a fucking tunnel

Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto has announced that Mexico is going to build a tunnel under the Mexico/US border. He said that the Americans were going to pay for the tunnel, which will cost $324bn. He told Grumpy Fuckers: “Trump can boast all he likes about his fucking wall. I said to the missis last […]

Now we know why birds sing so beautifully in the mornings

Professor Brian CleverClogs published his discovery in the latest edition of the respected medical journal, The Scrotal Bulletin.

A recent survey has finally revealed why birds sing so beautifully in the mornings. Professor Brian CleverClogs published his discovery in the latest edition of the respected medical journal, The Scrotal Bulletin. He told GrumpyFuckers: “This study has taken us all over the world and we now know why birds sing so beautifully in the […]

Grumpy Fuckers prepare for Grumpy Fuckers Day 2017

Grumpy fuckers from all over the world are preparing for the first-ever worldwide International Grumpy Fuckers Day. Monday 30th January will see grumpy fuckers from all over the world moaning about how shit their lives are like they do on any other day. Organiser Clive GrimGrits, who runs Grumpy Fuckers’ Coffee Shop, told Grumpy Fuckers: […]

Man tells work colleagues he has a twin to avoid speaking to them in public

A man has told his work colleagues that he has a twin so that he can avoid talking to them outside of work. Jimmy Thundergunt said he thinks his work colleagues are boring assholes and doesn’t want to associate with them more than he has to. He told GrumpyFuckers: “I’m quite a tolerant person but […]

Tube Chat badge for Grumpy Fuckers launched


A new set of badges discouraging people from chatting on London’s Underground has been launched. It comes in response to an earlier initiative called Tube Chat, that tried to encourage commuters to chat, but ultimately went to shit. One London commuter told Grumpy Fuckers. “The last thing on earth that any commuter wants to do […]

PROVEN: Owls are just fat, grumpy pigeons

A leading bird scientist has proven that owls are just fat, grumpy pigeons. Prof. Timmy Cleverclogs made the announcement to a packed conference last night. He told delegates: “We’ve all see them – these grumpy overweight birds with attitude. They stay up all night, giving mouses a hard time and all that shit. We took […]

Do you suffer from Obsessive Coffee Disorder?

Scientists have officially confirmed that more than 90% of the population suffers from Obsessive Coffee Disorder. Sufferers from the condition complain of being grumpy fuckers unless they get their fix of coffee. Prof. Timmy CleverClogs who made the announcement said: “Sufferers of Obsessive Coffee Disorder often find themselves find that they can’t function when they […]

Cats announced as the animals least likely to give a fuck

The humble cat has officially been announced as the animal least likely to give a fuck about anything. The cats were pushed all the way to the winning post by koalas and last year’s winner – the honey badger. Professor Timmy CleverClogs who ran the study said: “We were interested in finding out which of […]

Nominations now open to find the World’s Grumpiest Husband

Nominations to find the world’s Grumpiest Husband have are now open. The competition will take place in November at Grumpy Fuckers Coffee Shop in Cardiff. Manager Clive GrimGrits said: “Yeah we’ve got this shitty competition because no one else will host the fucking thing. I’ll guess I’ll have to get some shitty food and drink […]

New Cafe Vodka Valium Latte launched for those who struggle in the mornings

A new brand of coffee has been launched at a famous coffee house in Wales. The Cafe Vodka Valium Latte (commonly known as The Bomb) went on sale at Grumpy Fuckers Coffee House in Cardiff yesterday. Shop manager Clive GrimGrits told local press: “We get all kinds of grumpy fuckers in here in the mornings […]