Drinking too much coffee can make you smell colours

Scientists at a lab in Switzerland have concluded that drinking too much coffee can make you smell colours. Professor Hanz Cleverclogs announced his findings in a coffee shop this morning. He told awaiting members of the public. “We first started testing this theory on monkeys but they drank all the coffee and were then unable […]

Motorists ready for International Drive Like a Dickhead Day


Motorists across the world are preparing to drive like arseholes ahead of International Drive Like a Dickhead Day this Monday. The day allows drivers to drive like complete arseholes, angering other normal motorists. Darren Dickface of the Arsehole Drivers Association told Grumpy Fuckers: “I can’t wait! I’ve been practising my driving all week in anticipation […]

Get ready for Grumpy Fuckers Awareness Week!

GF Awareness Week

The 2019 Grumpy Fuckers Awareness week has been launched at a shitty coffee shop in Wales. This year’s Grumpy Fuckers Awareness Week takes place from 5th-11th August, and will include several days of fuckers of moping around with a face like a slapped arse. Organiser Clive Grimgrits, who also manages Grumpy Fuckers Coffee Shop in […]

Police given new powers to taser people who use inappropriate apostrophe’s

Police are to be given new powers to taser people who use apostrophes incorrectly. The Government says that it’s had enough of that shit and wants to clamp down immediately. A spokesman for the Government said: “We’ve had enough of this shit. Everywhere we go, we see apostrophes being used in the wrong context. It […]

Police given new powers to taser people who are too happy in the mornings

A new Government directive will give new powers to police to clamp down on people who are too happy in the mornings. Police will soon be able to taser happy morning people straight in the face from next month. A spokesman for the Police Federation told Grumpy Fuckers: “We’ve all had enough of this happy-in-the-morning […]

International Day of Happiness can fuck right off


Grumpy Fuckers all over the world are staging protests at today’s International Day of Happiness. Some grumpy fuckers are refusing to get out of bed while others are moping around with faces like slapped arses in protest of the day. Clive Grimgrits, who runs Grumpy Fuckers Coffee Shop said: “What a shower of shit. We […]

Angry driver fits 34 curse words into one sentence


An angry driver has managed to fit 34 curse words into one single sentence. Karl Wetcleft came out with the record-breaking outburst when some fucker pulled out in front of him quickly and then drove very slowly. Wetcleft told Grumpy Fuckers: “I was driving down the fucking street like I normally fucking do when this […]

Newly-married husband divorces wife after discovering she makes piss-poor coffee

A newly-married husband is divorcing his wife after discovering that his wife makes piss-poor cups of coffee. Haydn Fatarse married his wife Glenys just two months ago. But after she handed him a mug of what he described as ‘elephant spunk’, Haydn called his solicitor and requested a divorce. He told Grumpy Fuckers: “It had […]

Police given new powers to taser people who whistle no tune in particular


Police have been given new powers to taser people who whistle no tune in particular. People who whistle nothing in particular have become one of the world’s most annoying fuckers. A spokesman for the police force told Grumpy Fuckers: “These people are the scum of the earth. They go about their day, whistling any old […]