Posted on 6 Comments

Police given new powers to taser people who are too happy in the mornings

A new Government directive will give new powers to police to clamp down on people who are too happy in the mornings.

Police will soon be able to taser happy morning people straight in the face from next month.

A spokesman for the Police Federation told Grumpy Fuckers:

“We’ve all had enough of this happy-in-the-morning shit from arseholes who really haven’t lived. They come whistling into work as if they’re the happiest arseholes on the planets when most of us are struggling to even keep our eyes open. This new directive comes at a very timely moment and it will allow us to nip this kind of shit in the bud before they even get going. The directive is very clear that we can taser people straight in the face if they appear too happy first thing in the morning. We have officers who have been specially trained to get up at 6am ready for these shitheads. They’ve had it coming to them for years.”

Happy morning person Jim said:

“I can’t wait to get tasered in the face. I just LOVE mornings and getting tasered in the face. This is like the best thing that’s ever happened to me! Life is sssssssssssssoooooooooooooo good right now.”

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Image: Lance Cpl. Trevon S. Peracca (labelled for reuse)

6 thoughts on “Police given new powers to taser people who are too happy in the mornings

  1. About fucking time!! They can go right along with those International Happiness Day fucking twats too! Taser all the fucks! Fuck ‘em all!

    1. I agree. It about gagged me when I learned there is an “International Happiness Day.’ I mean, WTF already? If people are unhappy, they probably have a very good reason for being that way, and these nanny state bitches just need to leave them the hell alone!

  2. Happpiness? It will never catch on.

    1. me to.

  3. If you can’t run with the Big Dogs, stay on the porch! Big Dogs are always grumpy.

  4. Thank fuck for this. My husband is one of these unnaturally happy in the morning fucks. Ad I can legally taser the bastard now.

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