People who work and live in London have been voted the Grumpiest Fuckers in the UK. Londoners, more commonly known as Laaaardernuz in their local tongue, were installed as the Grumpiest Fuckers in the UK by everyone outside of London. Gareth ThunderGunt, who headed up the survey said: “The UK has a wide variety of […]
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A man who was told to go and reach for the stars has spent three hours waving his hands around pointlessly. Charlie Fuckwit was given the inspirational speech by a life coach he’d paid handsomely. Charlie said: “I paid her a lot of money. She listened to all my problems and made me feel very […]
A man with a metal detector has spent an afternoon looking for the meaning of life. Billy NoMates came away empty-handed from his pointless activity. He told Grumpy Fuckers: “I had this thing for Christmas several years back and I never used it because I thought it was shit. But then last week, I was […]
A woman has painted a smile onto her face to help her get through her shitty day. Debbie FatArse says that it saves her the effort of pretending to be ok with things. She told Grumpy Fuckers: “My day’s hard enough without other dickheads making it worse. I always get told to cheer the fuck […]
Most of us have to work with them but that doesn’t stop them being assholes. Here are 7 signs that your boss is an asshole [listly id=”1Rii” layout=”magazine” per_page=”25″]
Former internet celebrity Bill the Stickman is being lined up to feature in the next season of Celebrity Big Brother. Bill took the internet by storm in 2016 before everyone got fucked off with him and put out a contract for his demise. Bill went to ground and hasn’t been seen since. However, his agent […]
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The word ‘good’ has been officially banned from the popular phrase ‘Have a good day’. Government sources say that it more accurately reflects life in today’s modern world. A spokeswoman said: “I think it’s about time that we took a reality check and realised that the word ‘good’ doesn’t really add anything to our days. […]
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Grumpy fuckers all over the world are celebrating International Grumpy Fucker Day. The fuckers have been moping around, grumbling to themselves and looking like sacks of shit all day. One grumpy fucker said: “Every day is International Grumpy Fucker Day in my life. The first thing I do when I get up in the morning […]
Grumpy Fuckers across the world have told supporters of the International Day of Happiness to go fuck themselves. They say that the day of happiness is a load of shit designed to dupe people into thinking that life is fine. Manager of Grumpy Fuckers Coffee Shop, Clive Grimgrits said: “What a load of shit. Anyone […]
A woman who has become so disenchanted with life has gone past the point of not giving a fuck anymore. Gladys Throbbon is now at the point where she is now giving negative fucks. She told Grumpy Fuckers: “When I was born, my Mamma told me that life was such a wonderful adventure and that […]
Doctors receptionists have claimed the title of this year’s Grumpiest Fuckers in the World. It means that they have successfully defended the crown they won last year. Gloria Grumpydrawers, Treasurer of the Grumpy Doctors Receptionists Guild said: “We are delighted to have won this title for a second time. We undergo a lot of training […]
An angry wife has filed for divorce from her husband after her failed to dispose of an empty toilet roll holder. Rita Bunce’s husband Terry left the toilet roll holder in the bathroom, even when the bin was right next to him. Rita told Grumpy Fuckers: “I can’t believe I married that lazy slob. He […]
A world-famous coffee shop has launched its own line of wine-flavoured coffee. The new coffee is aimed at those who struggle to draw a distinction between the night before the morning after and the morning after the night before. Clive GrimGrits, who owns Grumpy Fuckers Coffee Shop said: “We get all kinds of lazy shites […]
A grumpy mother has sent her three children to school dressed as Kindles for World Book Day. Debbie WideArse said she really didn’t have the time to make up any other fancy dress outfits. She told Grumpy Fuckers: “Every week there seems to be something I have to make or create for my kids to […]
Protests have broken out across the country, demanding that politicians stop turning people into grumpy fuckers. 100,000 people have lined the capital, chanting and holding placards to show how angry they are. One protester told Grumpy Fuckers: “I’m sick of it. Every time I turn on the TV, there’s some dickhead just waiting to rile […]
A woman who was told by a Careers Adviser to follow her dreams has gone back to bed. Julie LardArse took less than ten minutes to get home and back under her duvet. She told Grumpy Fuckers: “Chase my dreams? What’s all that shit about? The last time I followed anything I wanted, I ended […]
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Scientists have successfully established a link between obesity and eating too much shit. The boffins concluded that eating too much shit makes you fat fucker. Prof. Brian CleverClogs told Grumpy Fuckers: “We’ve finally established a conclusive link between obesity and eating shit. Of course, there are people who are overweight through no fault of their […]
A world-famous coffee shop is recruiting new members of staff but on one condition – that they’re a Grumpy Fucker. Grumpy Fuckers Coffee Shop is looking for miserable bastards to serve up coffee and pick up crap after people. Manager Clive Grimgrits said: “We’ve had grumpy fuckers coming here from all over the world. Most […]
Britain’s leading TV fitness instructor has rebranded after getting old. Derrick Evans, most commonly known as Mr Motivator has since repackaged himself as Mr Demotivator. He told Grumpy Fuckers: “You get to a certain point in your life when you think ‘I really can’t be arsed’. Things that you thought were important like doing 5 […]
A woman who specifically told her husband not to buy her anything for Valentine’s Day has told of her disappointment that her husband didn’t buy her anything for Valentine’s Day. Joan ‘Joan’ Strumpet, 39, told her husband not to spend any money on Valentine’s Day but to put it towards a holiday. Husband Dean didn’t […]