Category Archives: News

World Peace Day ruined by asshole with a lawnmower

World Peace Day has officially been ruined by an asshole with a lawnmower. Local residents were woken at 7.30 this morning by Jimmy Dickface, who was mowing his lawn. One resident told Grumpy Fuckers: “I was resting in bed because I’d been up late last night sitting on my husband’s face. I thought I’d be […]

University offers qualification in being a Grumpy Fucker


A university in London is now offering people to be a fully qualified Grumpy Fucker. The University of Farkin Larden will be offering the 3-year course from 2020. Professor Henry Scrote told Grumpy Fuckers: “We’ve often seen amateur Grumpy Fuckers around the world but we are now offering the chance to actually obtain some accreditation […]

Arsehole sits through entire movie pointing out differences to the book

An arsehole has spent an entire movie pointing out the differences between the movie and the book. Glen Shitface sat through the 2010 version of Alice in Wonderland and pointed out every single difference between that and Lewis Carroll’s book. His wife Glenda said: “I’m never going to watch a film with him again. The […]

Government set up National Cockwomble Register

The government is to set up a National Cockwomble register to allow authorities to keep track of their activities. Registered cockwombles will be subject to a range of restrictions, including being allowed out in the daytime and night time. A spokesman for the government told Grumpy Fuckers: “We’ve been calling for this register for many […]

Drinking too much coffee can make you smell colours

Scientists at a lab in Switzerland have concluded that drinking too much coffee can make you smell colours. Professor Hanz Cleverclogs announced his findings in a coffee shop this morning. He told awaiting members of the public. “We first started testing this theory on monkeys but they drank all the coffee and were then unable […]

Motorists ready for International Drive Like a Dickhead Day


Motorists across the world are preparing to drive like arseholes ahead of International Drive Like a Dickhead Day this Monday. The day allows drivers to drive like complete arseholes, angering other normal motorists. Darren Dickface of the Arsehole Drivers Association told Grumpy Fuckers: “I can’t wait! I’ve been practising my driving all week in anticipation […]

Get ready for Grumpy Fuckers Awareness Week!

GF Awareness Week

The 2019 Grumpy Fuckers Awareness week has been launched at a shitty coffee shop in Wales. This year’s Grumpy Fuckers Awareness Week takes place from 5th-11th August, and will include several days of fuckers of moping around with a face like a slapped arse. Organiser Clive Grimgrits, who also manages Grumpy Fuckers Coffee Shop in […]

Police given new powers to taser people who use inappropriate apostrophe’s

Police are to be given new powers to taser people who use apostrophes incorrectly. The Government says that it’s had enough of that shit and wants to clamp down immediately. A spokesman for the Government said: “We’ve had enough of this shit. Everywhere we go, we see apostrophes being used in the wrong context. It […]

Police given new powers to taser people who are too happy in the mornings

A new Government directive will give new powers to police to clamp down on people who are too happy in the mornings. Police will soon be able to taser happy morning people straight in the face from next month. A spokesman for the Police Federation told Grumpy Fuckers: “We’ve all had enough of this happy-in-the-morning […]

International Day of Happiness can fuck right off


Grumpy Fuckers all over the world are staging protests at today’s International Day of Happiness. Some grumpy fuckers are refusing to get out of bed while others are moping around with faces like slapped arses in protest of the day. Clive Grimgrits, who runs Grumpy Fuckers Coffee Shop said: “What a shower of shit. We […]

Angry driver fits 34 curse words into one sentence


An angry driver has managed to fit 34 curse words into one single sentence. Karl Wetcleft came out with the record-breaking outburst when some fucker pulled out in front of him quickly and then drove very slowly. Wetcleft told Grumpy Fuckers: “I was driving down the fucking street like I normally fucking do when this […]