Category Archives: News

Grumpiness linked to higher intelligence

Scientists have officially proved that intelligent people are the grumpiest fuckers on earth. The study showed that those who have an IQ of 140 or more were the grumpiest fuckers known to mankind. Professor CleverClogs who commissioned and carried out the study, told Grumpy Fuckers: “We’ve all had an inkling that those with greater intelligence […]

PROVEN: Coffee saves thousands of arrests every morning

Coffee saves thousands of people being arrested every morning, according to a recent survey. The survey, carried out by the University of Little Hope, published its findings yesterday. It also concluded that prison population was kept down by up to 50% thanks to the wonder drink. Professor Frank FourEyes, who led the survey, told Grumpy […]

Get ready for International Grumpy Fuckers Day 2021 – Monday 30th August

Grumpy-Fucker-Day-2021

Grumpy fuckers all over the world are preparing to celebrate International Grumpy Fucker Day, which this year takes place on Monday 30th August. The fuckers have been moping around, grumbling to themselves and looking like sacks of shit in preparation for the big day. One grumpy fucker said: “Every day is International Grumpy Fucker Day […]

Daredevil drinks orange juice after brushing teeth

A 32 year old daredevil has drunk a whole glass of orange juice after brushing his teeth. Gordon Wobblebottom sank the ice-cold glass of fruit juice after spending four minutes brushing his gnashers. His wife Wendy told Grumpy Fuckers: “Gordon’s always had a bit of a wild side to him and he’s often spoke about […]

87% population in a ‘serious’ relationship with coffee

coffee

A recent survey has shown that 87% of the world’s population is in a serious relationship with coffee. Participants of the survey said that they’d rather have a serious relationship with coffee than a human being. One coffee-lover told Grumpy Fuckers: “I’ve found that I hate most people because they’re dickheads. I’d much rather have […]

WHO recognises 4pm as the new official Wine O’Clock

The World Health Organisation has today announced that 4pm is the universal Wine O’Clock. The organisation said that 4pm is now the most popular time to start getting shit-faced. Lionel DeBlair, spokesman for the WHO, told Grumpy Fuckers: “We’ve been collecting data from all over the world and after we’ve crunched all the figures, we’ve […]

Woman accidentally leans on phone, inputs 16 digit card number in the correct order and buys new shoes

A woman has accidentally bought herself a new pair of shoes after leaning on her phone. Thelma BendyLegs sat on her phone while watching a wildlife show on telly – and happened to accidentally input all of her 16 credit card numbers, her expiry date and her security number – all in the correct order. […]

Get ready for Grumpy Fuckers Day – Monday 25th May

Grumpy fuckers all over the world are preparing to celebrate International Grumpy Fucker Day, which this year takes place on Monday 25th May. The fuckers have been moping around, grumbling to themselves and looking like sacks of shit in preparation for the big day. One grumpy fucker said: “Every day is International Grumpy Fucker Day […]

Man has underpants surgically removed after wearing them for 13 years

A 54 year-old man has had his underpants surgically removed after he had worn them for 13 consecutive years. Brian CrispyGrits underwent the procedure after his wife threatened to divorce him if he didn’t change them. Brian told Grumpy Fuckers: “They were my comfy ones so I liked to wear them every day. But then […]

45% women secretly use their fella’s beard trimmers to mow their lady gardens

A staggering 45% of the female population secretly use their boyfriend or husband’s beard trimmers to trim their muffters. Researchers found that a further 76% fail to wash the trimmer before returning back to the bathroom cupboard. Brian Bellend who conducted the survey, told Grumpy Fuckers: “We are both shocked and amused that women do […]