A very clever cat expert has proved that cats can actually speak but choose not to.
Cats are renowned for not giving a flying fuck about their owners or anything else for that matter.
Gary ‘Whiskers’ Fourpaws told GrumpyFuckers:
“We did some kind of experiment that was highly top secret so I can’t tell you what it entailed. But we did conclude that cats can indeed speak perfectly good English but choose not to. Whether it’s the fact that they are indifferent to any other living creature, whether it’s shyness – or in fact whether it’s just that they hate people, we’re not quite sure. When we left our cats along in a room, they chatted among themselves in perfectly good discourse. As soon as we re-entered the room, they shut the fuck up and pretended that they couldn’t speak.”
The scientists also ran experiments on dogs to see if they could talk too.
“Sadly, dogs are just thick as shit and can’t talk,” said Gary.