Newly-married husband divorces wife after discovering she makes piss-poor coffee

A newly-married husband is divorcing his wife after discovering that his wife makes piss-poor cups of coffee.

Haydn Fatarse married his wife Glenys just two months ago. But after she handed him a mug of what he described as ‘elephant spunk’, Haydn called his solicitor and requested a divorce.

He told Grumpy Fuckers:

“It had never crossed my mind that she made shit coffee. As the alpha male of the house, I’m always the one making it. But we were watching TV last night and I couldn’t get up because I had the dog on my lap. Glenys asked me if I wanted a cuppa and although I was a bit uneasy about letting her do it, I thought she should give it a go. What she brought in was the biggest mug of piss I’d ever seen. I think she must have literally shown the coffee pod to the mug before putting it straight in the bin. I was crushed. I picked up the phone and called my solicitor straight away. Actually, that’s a lie. I waited for my show to finish and then I rang him.”

Heartbroken Glenys said:

“I’ve never made a cup of coffee in my life. I thought I was giving it my best shot but I’m clearly not good enough for him. I’m so ashamed.”

Haydn is now considering setting up a Coffee-Making Course for people who make piss-poor tea.