For dog owners, dog farts are an all-out assault on the senses. The smell can overwhelm a fully-grown rhino and in some cases, people have lost vision for 24 hours after a particularly bad one.
The worst thing about them is that they come so unexpectedly, like some sneaky ninja creeping up behind you and shoving a hot turd in your face, and then running off laughing.
But scientists have revealed the real reason why dogs don’t make too much noise when they fart, and why they are so deadly.
Prof. Ian WiseGuy from the University of Little Hope told GrumpyFuckers:
“Dogs don’t worry too much about embarrassing themselves when farting like us humans do. As a result, their sphincters are less relaxed, allowing dogs to simply float air biscuits over a longer period of time. The brappage rating (the resistance of moving air against arse cheeks) is therefore considerably less, meaning that there is less sound. As for the awful smell – well, dogs eat all kinds of shit so that speaks for itself.”
You learn something new every day, don’t you?