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Police get new powers to punch noisy eaters in the fucking face

Police have been granted new powers to punch noisy eaters in the fucking face.

Under the new laws, noisy eaters face chewing on a fist if they don’t eat quietly.

A spokeswoman for the police told Grumpy Fuckers:




“I hate noisy eaters. My boyfriend eats like a fucking cement mixer and I’ll be more than happy to see him getting punched hard in the face if he carries on. We have given our police these new powers so that we can stamp this stupid behaviour out. Police will be able to apply these new rules even when they are off duty so that if they are in a public place and come across a noisy eater, they can punch them in the face, no questions asked.”

One woman added:

“I was out having a meal last night and I swear that the woman on the table next to me was chewing a load of fucking rocks.”

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