Posted on 3 Comments

Police get new powers to punch noisy eaters in the fucking face

noisy-eater

Police have been granted new powers to punch noisy eaters in the fucking face.

Under the new laws, noisy eaters face chewing on a fist if they don’t eat quietly.

A spokeswoman for the police told Grumpy Fuckers:

“I hate noisy eaters. My boyfriend eats like a fucking cement mixer and I’ll be more than happy to see him getting punched hard in the face if he carries on. We have given our police these new powers so that we can stamp this stupid behaviour out. Police will be able to apply these new rules even when they are off duty so that if they are in a public place and come across a noisy eater, they can punch them in the face, no questions asked.”

One woman added:

“I was out having a meal last night and I swear that the woman on the table next to me was chewing a load of fucking rocks.”

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3 thoughts on “Police get new powers to punch noisy eaters in the fucking face

  1. This must excluded munching on pork scratchings, surely?

  2. Can this law include those fucking assholes that slurp when the fucking drink too??? Livestock drink more quietly buttmunch! Fuck’s sake!

  3. I don’t know how I made it through the Covid lockdown without copping a charge. Being locked up with my loud chewer husband about put me over the edge. By the time it was over I was wishing I would get Covid just to get the fuck away from the chewing and grunting over every damned bite of food. 35 years of marriage and I haven’t trained him to put his lips together when he chews yet. Fuck.

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