Official: 83% of the population are Coffee Sluts

A large proportion of the population would describe themselves as Coffee Sluts, according to latest figures.

The rise appears to come in response to the recent rise of fuckwits and cockwombles in society.

A spokesman for The Coffee Analysis Foundation said:

“We’ve got Coffee Sluts left, right and centre. We’ve got Coffee Sluts all over the place. Christ, I’ve even got Coffee Sluts coming out of my arse. And the rise is down to the sudden rise of fuckwits and cockwombles that have infiltrated society. Coffee has kept murder rates relatively low over the years and the fact that we are seeing more and more Coffee Sluts is testament to that fact. Coffee is literally saving the world, one mug at a time.”

One coffee drinker said:

“I loves the stuff. Can’t get enough of it. I’m at the point in my life where I’m injecting it now.”

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