A man has invented a time machine so that he can go back 20 years and tell himself to stop being such a dick.
Father-of-two Gary Glumchops built the machine after finding letters he’d written go girls, asking them to come round to his house to sit on his face.
Gary told GrumpyFuckers:
“Back in the day, I thought I was something special. I couldn’t understand why women didn’t want me. It’s only now that I’m older that I realise that I was an ugly fucker who thought about no-one but himself. I’ve spent the last three weeks in my shed building this machine and I’ll be going back in time on the weekend to give myself a stern word or two. Looking back, I can’t believe I was so much up my own ass. It’s no wonder I the girls were giving me the brush off. I believe that I can go back in time and slap myself around a bit and give myself a good talking to.”
Gary’s long-suffering wife Wendy said:
“I only married him because he got me pregnant. I’m hoping that he can talk some sense into himself.”