A court has heard that a Grumpy Fucker told an overly happy man to ‘fuck off’ before proceeding to punch him in the bollocks.
Gerald Grizzle said that he acted in self-defence after the happy man became too fucking annoying.
Victim Tim Sparkles told police:
“I’m such a happy-go-lucky chap. The world is a beautiful place and I am sooooooooooooo happy to be alive. I was walking to my local restaurant when I bumped into Mr Grizzle who was half-asleep and walking down the road. Mr Grizzle grumbled under his breath and I told him to cheer up and that it might not happen. I told him that he should be happy to be alive. I did a little twirl on the spot and then sprinkled him with glitter. I leaned in to give him a hug but Mr Grizzle told me to fuck off and proceeded to punch me in the bollocks. It hurt. It hurt a lot. Since then, I’ve been a right miserable fucker. I can see his point now.”
Mr Grizzle is expected to say that he acted in self-defence. That’s if he can be arsed to turn up in court.