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Grumpy Fucker shop assistant ratings scheme launched

A new scheme that rates the grumpiness of shop assistants has been launched nationwide.

The scheme rates shop assistants for their grumpiness. By law, they have to display their ratings in their shop window.

A spokeswoman for the scheme told

“We’ve all been into a shop where the shop assistant has been a total grumpy fucker to say the least. Our new scheme allows us to independently rate all our local shops for their grumpy attitude and give customers some warning of what they can expect inside. By law, they have to show their ratings in their shop window so there’ll be no getting away from the fact that you’re going to be served by some grumpy fucker.”

One shopper added:

“I think it’s a great idea but then I said that about marrying my husband and what an asshole he turned out to be.”

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Supermarket opens new lane for women who can’t seem to locate their purse

A Chepstow supermarket has opened a new lane for women who can’t seem to locate their purse.

The town’s Kwik Save store responded to customer feedback that some women shoppers were taking too long to find their purse.

Manager Brendan TidyShoes told WalesOnCraic:

“We had a lot of complaints about our female shoppers who would take a year and a half to pack their bags and then spend another 6 months trying to find their purse. These women carry Tardis handbags where they store everything from wet wipes to unopened gas bills. We thought we’d open a new lane specifically for them so that they won’t feel pressurised by other shoppers who would usually stand around huffing and puffing.”

Visitors to the store welcomed the news. Bricklayer Jamie ArseCrack said:

“Yeah. Whatevs. I only came in for a sandwich. Do you know where the crisps are mate?”

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Main photo by Jack Sparrow from Pexels