A builder has been deceiving the general public for seven months by keeping his tools in his van overnight, despite a sticker to the contrary.
Jimmy ArseCrack, who has been a builder for 3 years, told GrumpyFuckers:
“I am aware that some people like to break into vans like mine to steal tools, which they can then sell on Ebay. I had the brainwave of sticking a sticker in my van window, saying that I didn’t keep any tools in my van overnight, but really, and don’t tell anyone this – I keep them in the van overnight. Oh how I laugh when thieves walk past my van, totally unaware that my tools are in the van. I can’t believe that I’ve been able to keep my tools in the van for so long.”
Greg Wideboy, who lives next door to Jimmy was shocked to find out that he’d been keeping his tools in his van overnight.
“His sticker explicitly says that he doesn’t keep his tools in his van overnight. At first, I was really hurt that he could lie to me like that, but then I realised what a genius he is.”
Jimmy is thinking of selling the stickers so that more builders can keep their tools in their vans overnight.
*Updated. Jimmy’s van has been broken into. The thief got away with all his tools.