A Halloween party-goer has chopped off his penis after attempting to scratch his own asshole. Brian DoubleGunt, from Boston, was attending a house party dressed up as the Marvel Comics superhero Wolverine, portrayed on screen by actor Hugh Jackman. Brian had sellotaped knives to a pair of rubber gloves to recreate Wolverine’s famous retractable claws. […]
Author Archives: Royston Butterscotch
They’re your Facebook friends. You’ve met some, you’ve fucked some and you might even pretend to like some of them. Yet you have probably never noticed that they’ve been secretly making you a Grumpy Fucker all these years. What a bunch of fuckers. Here are some of the main culprits – cull them with pleasure. […]
Legendary porn film ‘Debbie Does Phallus’ has been banned for portraying plumbers as people who turn up on time. The film, which features Dennis ‘ThunderRod’ Muggins as The Plumber, was made in 2010 by the now defunct Welsh porn company, Tits and Sheep. But the US and UK governments have jointly taken the unprecedented step […]
A Welsh nightclub has banned women from pouting when taking selfies to stop them looking like cockwombles. The Jurassic Park nightclub in Neath has slapped on the ban after women spent all night posing for selfies instead of buying drinks from the bar. Manager Clayton Smooth told GrumpyFuckers: “These women spend so long pouting that […]
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A coffee shop has opened in Cardiff for people who hate mornings. Grumpy Fuckers’ Coffee Shop opened its door yesterday and was overwhelmed by demand. Manager Clive GrimGrits told Grumpy Fuckers: “I had to get up at 5am to get the bastard shop open. I hated it. Most people are still sleeping at that time. […]
A Cardiff shop has been forced to apologise after one of its banners contained an offensive typo. Bargain store Massive Discounts contracted a sign-maker to create a new banner for the shop front. Sadly, the banner contained the word ‘discocunt’ instead of the word ‘discount’. Shop manager Jim Bellend told Grumpy Fuckers: “I’ve always hammered […]
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A Chepstow supermarket has opened a new lane for women who can’t seem to locate their purse. The town’s Kwik Save store responded to customer feedback that some women shoppers were taking too long to find their purse. Manager Brendan TidyShoes told WalesOnCraic: “We had a lot of complaints about our female shoppers who would […]