Coffee shop opens for non-morning people

Grumpy-Fuckers-Coffee

A coffee shop has opened in Cardiff for people who hate mornings.

Grumpy Fuckers’ Coffee Shop opened its door yesterday and was overwhelmed by demand.

Manager Clive GrimGrits told Grumpy Fuckers:

“I had to get up at 5am to get the bastard shop open. I hated it. Most people are still sleeping at that time. We opened the shop at 6am and by 7am, we’d already sold out of ‘Fuck You Frappuccinos’ as well as our ‘Piss Poor Tea’. Every fucker who came in had a face on them like a slapped arse so I closed the shop at 8am so I could go home and get some proper sleep like most people do.”

One customer said that she would visit the coffee shop again, despite everyone bumping into each other and not saying a word.

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226 thoughts on “Coffee shop opens for non-morning people

    • Paul Beaudoin says:

      I shared this on my FaceBook page! It’s about effen time somebody did this!! Luv the hell out of it & buying a mug as well. Hoping someone in upstate NY copies your approach. Best of luck in your endeavor, Clive. Later, Paul. 😉

        • Lyrical Love says:

          YOUR Name ‘Grump bitch” Got me over here Rolling in the Deep you made my day I think I’m going to laugh for the next 24 hours from the gutt. Girl I hate mornings too. I was born at 1:25 in the morning I think that has something to do with it so basically I was born after midnight and that’s when I am mostly awake. But like a vampire when the morning comes I want to close the shades down on the world and I don’t want my phone to ring I don’t need nobody leaning on my doorbell and I don’t want nobody to ask me no damn questions.

          Coffee? Uh what is that For? I don’t need no coffee I just need a pillow a cup of lemme the hell alone and some more sleep – don’t wanna wake up til my body says so. I get up at the crack of 2 or 3pm. I’m retired – thank God 🙂

      • Mikel says:

        1st Americans need to learn how to make a decent coffee…
        In Australia we have the most amazing coffee, when I came to visit last year (LA, San Fran, Vegas, NYC) I swear they were trying to poison me, I was extremely grumpy… 🙂
        I found 3 places in NYC with great coffee, and one called ‘Little Collins’ on Lexington Ave was brilliant & owned by Aussies…

        • Paul says:

          That is true, and it is because they just buy cheap coffee from Africa, Brazil or Central America. Try Colombia Coffee but the real one and you will see the difference.

          • David Lubin says:

            It’s mountain grown! The richest kind, said the old lady with braids wrapped around her head.

        • Christee6 says:

          Come to Miami, FL and have yourself a Cuban cafecito, aka rocket fuel, served in a cup about the size of a shot glass. However, don’t be fooled by the size of the cup.

        • Santiba says:

          Ahhh…but you haven’t experienced coffee in Portland, OR. It *HAS* to be awesome…otherwise, we’d all sllep solid from October 1st to July 1st, just so we didn’t have to deal with the rain uncaffienated

        • Loraine Thornton says:

          I love good coffee and Folgers isn’t it! I go out of my way to find good dark roast coffee. But most Americans don’t have an extremely discerning palate where coffee is concerned. Try going out to breakfast at almost any restaurant and it’s cheap tea-like shit they poor in your cup!

      • Norene Jamesley says:

        Well, shit! I saw “Cardiff” and thought shop was in Cardiff by the Sea, California. Not til I saw the £ currency did I get it. Now I am really a grumpy fucker!

          • Cunning Stunt says:

            You ‘murikens aren’t just dumb fuckers, but ignorant fuckers and arrogant fuckers, too. Get a fucken passport or better still a lesson in originating geo-fucken-ography.

            Dumb fucks. And, in any case, what do you dumb fucks know about decent coffee, anyway? Stick to your stupid, fucking Starbucks, fuckers.

        • Sherrell Bennett says:

          Are you kidding? The so-called “liberal” Californians would never allow a name like that in public!

          • Toni Pelletier says:

            You are soooooo right! And I’m a Californian, but from NY. Didn’t realize how many grumpy towns there were in NY. 🙂

          • Lani says:

            It’s not the liberals in California that would be against it but all the conservative Christians and fundamentalists who supposedly don’t ever cuss who would consider it an obscene nane! You know the DMV would never allow the word F**kers on the license plates in any of the 50 states, so don’t point to California as the prude state!

          • Shoemaker says:

            You are so right they would be pissed for months and whining to pelosi or waters how that was racist!!

  1. Sharon M says:

    Ahhhh too bad an ocean separates us or I would surely be a regular. I have Welsh roots since my maternal grandfather was born in Cardiff so I especially enjoyed seeing this. Best of luck!

    • John Mason says:

      Oh fuck off. You’re not Welsh at all. You don’t have a taffy particle in you. So stop pretending that you do.

      Why do Americans always claim they have links/roots to anywhere something original might have happened?

      • Sam says:

        Because Americans have ancestors born elsewhere. Unless they are Native American, they’re blood comes from other countries. Many of them even uphold traditions of their ancestors and where they came from. It’s not that they “claim” this, it’s that it is true.

      • Melissa says:

        You do realize that aside from the Native American Indians EVERYONE in America came from somewhere else. God you’re a fucking dumbass.

      • Turd Ferguson says:

        Because all of our fucking ancestors came from other places, like mine from Scotland, not fucking Wales. Only the Native Americans can claim this shithole as the place of their fucking ancestors.

        • Pincus Sititsky says:

          Wrong! Indigenous peoples of America came from Asia and all of humanity came from Africa. We are all Africans genetically. The only thing that separates us is culture. I am an über-culturist and my culture is 12-23 F.D.R. Drive apt. 3C, mother-fuckers!

      • Sumdude says:

        For Fuck sake, Americans didn’t originate on this continent and largely got here between 1 and 5 generations ago, pretty much. I only have to go back 4 to get to Germany, and maybe 5 to get to Ireland.

  2. valerie cross says:

    love this place will deffo visit don’t know when . but there should be loads more dotted around the country here’s looking for you x

  3. Michael Gallegos says:

    Opens coffee shop here in Wichita Kansas. And I could be the manager. I love my coffee. And the coffee shop would do. Great here.

    • Cunning Stunt says:

      Why don’t you learn to drink real fucken coffee first, you fuckwit. Fake “Creamer” does not belong anywhere near real, fucking coffee. Then again, no wonder you fucken ‘murikens are so grumpy. Your lives are disappointment in a cup filled with fake whitener. Much like your tea party, GOP politics.

      • bob onit says:

        another crooked tooth brit running his gob full of terra cotta teeth .on your bike bozo,still pissed about cornholeis,or cornwallis,what was that quitters name never remember the losers if it wasn’t for the celts your island would be nothing but a bunch of rock band posers crying about trump,and sucking up to bollywood

        • Cunning Stunt says:

          Yet another geographically- and politically-challenged knucklehead. Just because I can spell and can use grammar correctly does not make me British. It’s encouraging to know, though, that you do at least recognise it when it is used. Oh, and huzzah to you for beating the poorly organised British army on your “own” soil. Oh, that’s right. You couldn’t do it on your own. You needed the French to win for you. Vive l’difference.

          • gordon says:

            Just look at a fucking map. North America is virtually a big island surrounded by millions of square miles of fuck all. The inhabitants, with their dumbed-down education, don’t know or even need to know what’s out there beyond all that ocean. The rest of the world might just as well be fucking Narnia for all the relevance it has in their little parochial lives.

          • Gwyn says:

            Considering most Americans and many Europeans think that all Africans are black. HULLO there are white Africans. I and ten generations of my ancestors were all born in Africa. I actually do know where Cardiff is in Wales and I have been there.

          • Gwyn says:

            Just because you are merrycan and can’t spell like us English speaking people doesn’t mean you can criticize us for have a GRUMPY FUCKERS COFFEE SHOP where we Fucking want to.

    • gordon says:

      What the fuck is creamer? You can be really fussy about what kind of coffee you drink and where beans come from then you’re happy to adulterate it with nasty crap produced from fucked-about-with veg oil instead of real cream or milk just because it’s easier and cheaper for those selling the stuff.

      • Gwyn says:

        Can think of only one thing more disgusting being added to my coffee and that is artificial sweeteners. BLECCH!!! Drink the fucking stuff without sugar but don’t pollute it with that cancer making crap.

      • Paulette says:

        How about some coffee beans that were digested by monkeys or whatever first? What do you think the grumpies would say to that?

        • Gwyn says:

          Kopi luwak – It’s the coffee beans which have gone through a wild cat that you have to drink. That is the really expensive one. But who the fuck cares. I just want a decent cup of coffee without having to be bright and fucking shiny about it.

    • gordon says:

      Maybe hard for some to believe but I can confirm that the entire population of The Netherlands are the most fucking irritatingly jolly and ungrumpy people that it has ever been my misfortune to be stuck amongst. Particularly in the coffee shops.

    • Born bred grumpy in Wales says:

      Fan bloody tastic! Another Dutchmen that wants to give their opinion – who gives a fuck ‘happy feet’

      Try Disney Land site with the rest of those American ‘Grumpy fucker wanna bees ‘

  4. Corina says:

    I sent this to my brother, who can be a grumpy fucker when he doesn’t have his coffee. Too bad you aren’t in Newfoundland, Canada…… He’d love it or hate it….. whatever.

  5. Virginia says:

    HAHAHA!! This place would give a place I know here in Sydney a run for it’s money!! The owners are SO RUDE and throw the F-bomb around like salt!!

        • Jen McLeaster says:

          I think they were referring to which coffe shop in Sydney throws around the F bomb.
          Why is everyone getting their panties in a bunch. I think everyone can agree this is a great name that will generate a lot of business. A lot of people who travel will make a point to stop there. Everyone believes their culture is superior to others but grumpy fuckers are everywhere.

  6. julie says:

    I think thats s great for those who are like that all day ha ha as i do no a lot of people . I an not one off them tho thank goodness. And why dose the owner have to say the f ——-.As i think that he needs to get a life.!!!! ???? Miss J stead.☺

    • Boss says:

      Poop your fucking American I bet. Have a nice day y’all . In England we like to say fuck of. You love our sexy accents and we hate your annoying chatter. The worst so called English. Trumping South Africa !

  7. GG says:

    A work colleague sent me the link and made me aware of this. I hope she orders me a Grumpy Fucker mug to drink my coffee from.
    I wish there was a store here where I live.

  8. Sam the Eagle says:

    No matter how funny you think you are, the café name is still in bad TASTE. so you are funny lacking. No doubt the coffee has a nasty Taste too, to equate with the ‘T’

    • Fuck me says:

      Oh Sam, you give miserable fuckers like me a bad name. Actually I feel quite happy as a result of seeing how bloody miserable you actually are.
      If you don’t like it, move the fuck on.

    • Cunning Stunt says:

      Like the nasty, fucking taste of tea party-inspired ‘murinken chicory flavoured mud you incorrectly call “coffee”.
      Now, FRO, you humorless bell end.

    • gordon says:

      No matter how funny everyone else in the world apart from Sam the Eagle thinks you are the café name is still in bad TASTE so Sam the Eagle is funny lacking making him a prime Grumpy Fucker so why is he complaining? The coffee DOES have a nasty taste admittedly since it’s bought in from Starbucks.

    • SammySeal says:

      I totally agree with you. Can’t believe the name was allowed in the first place!!! In a society where we are trying to bring up children who don’t swear, this is certainly not helping…

  9. linda F. jones says:

    Perfect shop for my son to run, he hates fucking coffee and fucking morning fuckers with fucking smiles on their fucking faces. One of your shops would be a fucking hit in this fucking happy town of CHELSEA, USA!

  10. Surly Sod says:

    Brilliant! Even the comment section is like a genuine Grumpy Fuckers forum! They do indeed walk among us. Mumbling profanities to themselves!

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  13. Gwyn says:

    I fucking hate mornings. I need a Grumpy Fuckers franchise right here in Joburg. I just want to beat the living shit out of cheerful morning people. I hate them!!!

  14. redrover says:

    Fuck this place. They closed at 8 a.m. .What the Fuck is that? Non morning people like myself ain’t about to get up at the ass crack of dawn to buy shitty coffee. We would much rather wait till 10 a.m.

  15. kj says:

    we need a bunch of those here in Southeast Florida man to get rid of a bunch of these Dunkin doughnuts and Krispy Kremes and want to be coffee houses

  16. Hal Legere says:

    I believe, since this seems to be a forum on proper English, I must bring to your collective attention the following. This is not a place for Grumpy Fuckers to go for their coffee. The sign simply indicates that there are at least two people who own the shop. It indicates more than one with the “s”. The apostrophe then indicates the possessive. This is therefore simply a coffee shop owned by two or more grumpy fuckers.

    • J says:

      You’re a trollig fuckin cunt. Quit being so pompous you twat. Sorry we all aren’t up on our fuckin Limey geography. Wanna know why we still don’t trust the UK…..fucking ridiculous cunts as yourself, you smelly fuckhole.

      • Cunning Stunt says:

        “J” – As well as being geographically-challenged you obviously can’t follow a link, much less read. So, here it is for you; direct quote from the GF page:

        “Grumpy Fuckers Coffee Shop opened in Cardiff in September 2014. But don’t come looking for us. We only exist in the realms of internet folklore.”

        This has nothing to do with geography. Just a grip on reality and basic comprehension; neither of which you appear to have. Oh, and I’m not British. Why is it, then, that you (as the peak representative of the collective wisdom of everything south of the Mason-Dixon Line) don’t trust the British? Probably because you’re a rootin’, tootin’ gun-totin’ flat-earther conspiracy theorist that thinks a passport is something that provides burger, fries and gallon-sized soda upgrades. Your attempt at trolling? Pathetic at best. Grumpy Fucker? You make Dumb Fuckers look like Einstein. He’s a scientist. Probably something you don’t believe in either. I must compliment you, though. You did manage to spell “pompous” correctly. Pip, pip.

        • FutherMucker says:

          CunningStunt, before I read this particular comment I simply thought you somewhat funny. This is brilliant. Truly. Brava.

          • Cunning Stunt says:

            Fertile grounds so easy to plough, Futher.

            Heavens to Murgatroyd, exit stage left, stage right, even…

  17. The Texan says:

    They should change the name to Goofy Fuckers now for all the folks who actually believe this place actually exists….smfh.

  18. Megan says:

    Now I remember why I have several sorts of coffee makers at home. Imagine having to listen to all this shit every morning. Love the idea of the Grumpy Fuckers’ coffee shop – hope you have a MASSIVE SIGN saying NO TALKING

  19. gordon says:

    Guaranteed to trigger my inner grumpy fucker is asking for a black coffee only to be interrogated about whether I want americano, filter, espresso or whatever the fuck. The gormless morons behind the counter can’t cope with anything not covered in their five minute training course and go into nervous meltdown when I insist I just want a black coffee. How hard is it to put two heaped spoons of Nescafe in a mug with boiling water for fucks sake?

    • Gwyn says:

      Try to get some idiot at McDonalds to give you black coffee with cold milk on the side. Not gonna happen. they have to put the hot milk in first and then the hot coffee. Don’t even try to get my coffee there. it is easier on my nerves to take a flask of hot water and instant coffee to my early morning meetings at the McDonalds.

  20. Nancy says:

    OMG Am sorry but I can not stop laughing !!! I love it , wish I lived there to pop in for a coffee , The worst part is I wake up in the morning even before I had my coffee dancing and singing to the point at work at 7 in the morning my plant manger asked me if I was on something or high !!! True story . I just wanted to say I think this is fucken awesome !!!!!!!!!

  21. Danny says:

    Clive, first I want to wish you nothing but the best of success and that it makes you a gozillion freaking dollars!
    Secondly, I hope you get off your dead, tired are and franchise this all over the world. Nothing would be better than to see that fancy pants, arrogant, nose in the air Starbucks get slammed and shut down.
    Hope your coffee is real coffee. I have never had coffee as good as “Cookey’s” coffee when I was with the 101st AB. I hope I get to taste your coffee and when I do, I’ll let you know how you stack up against “Cookey.”

  22. Chelsterbomb says:

    Broaden your horizons, guys, and cross the ponds to the U.S. You can start here on the East Coast where I think the vast majority of grumpy fuckers reside. Myself included.

  23. Tillyflop says:

    When I saw the photo I first thought “Only in America” typical.
    Reading on, discovered it was in Cardiff, then realised it wasn’t
    true. Just goes to show you can’t beat British humour!! Got you all going didn’t it!

  24. GRUMPY says:

    if your gonna make money selling clothing people are larger outside the uk, some of us in the u.s. have been fed so much bull by our POTUS that we are 3x and 4x now…

    • Gwyn says:

      AND your clothes are still labeled size 1 and 2 whereas in reality they should be label 25 and 26. What do your old size 1 and 2 label there clothes as? -25 and -26. If the Merrycans would not eat that garbage McDonalds and EXTRA OUTSIZE Burgers they would be a smaller nation.

  25. BahHumbug says:

    Meh, it’s just coffee.

    Colin Grimguts or whatever his fuckin’ name is won’t be grumpy when he’s kickin’ it in the Caribbean and we’re still stuck on this fuckin’ wet, windy, grey, cold and miserable island. In fact that miserable Colin fucker will delight in knowing we’re still all stuck here, wasting our money on over-priced drinks in his festering turd of a coffee shop.
    Fuck him. Not spending another penny to give that sheep shagger more holiday money.

  26. Gypsy Jon says:

    What’s so fuckin depressin’ is that most of you fuckers out there (grumpy or not) haven’t got a fuckin’ clue how to fuckin’ spell. Bollocks to whatever the coffee’s like first thing in the (f) morning, it’s more (f) important that we can communicate (f) properly. And that means bein’ able to fuckin’ spell things right when you fuckin’ write stuff. Otherwise we can’t underfuckinstand what the fuck you’re blabbin’ about. Got it? Good! Now all of you go away and fuck yourselves (twice)!! Oh, and get a (f) dictionary, for fucksake! I feel better now, but I was a fiendishly grumpy fucker a minute ago.

    • Gwyn says:

      What is this (f) that you keep putting in your rambling rant about other people’s fucking spelling. If I can’t get a cup of coffee then give me a bottle of fucking wine. At least I can go back to sleep.

  27. ron says:

    Is grumpy fucker the name of the owner or the type of people that use the place? No need to answer.
    Me I just look out of the window and go back to bed. And save money rather than paying to be depressed!

  28. Service with a Snarl says:

    I like good coffee but can rarely buy it out, American money-grabbing bastard chains can’t make coffee, I would not ever use creamer, maybe a dash of milk, no sugar, I drink Miles Tea, a lot, ditto re. milk and sugar. I am not miserable but I am extremely grumpy, all of the time and have given serious thought recently to opening a mirco-brewery exclusively for grumpy men, I am wary of allowing women who have a tendency, once a few drops of alcohol have passed their lips, to become merry, which would not be acceptable. My home and shop is 50 miles from Cardiff and I really don’t want sheep-shaggers crossing the border to England abusing my border collie , Americans, if slender, may be permitted as long as they don’t speak, they may point at the item they wish to buy, pay double, and sit in a corner. I would need some financial backing to pursue this, anyone giving more than £5000 will become a life member, anyone giving less, won’t be allowed in. Shouting will not be permitted, miserable people shout, grumpy people are more sophisticated. Appropriate use of swear words will be encouraged, but I stress it must be appropriate. Further rules can be discussed. Many thanks

  29. Shen says:

    Finewine, I was just thinking the same thing, so much entertainment. Although I’m worried about any or all me grammar mistakes as I write….

    I would also love to have this in our Cardiff in Newcastle NSW 🙂

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  32. Mike J. Baron says:

    How inconsiderate!

    How offensive!

    To launch a business specifically intended to offend citizens you don’t even know and have nothing against is PURE SELFISHNESS!

    I hope the life expectancy of your VULGAR AWNING is less than two months.

  33. Norman Cruz says:

    I’m sure the infamous Grumpy Cat would DISapprove of this place, LOL. 😛

    As for the silly butthurt people who find this offensive… GET A LIFE!!!… and drink some Grumpy Fuckers’ Coffee, and keep your whiny-ass anal-retentive comments to yourself. 😛

  34. Pissed Off Pete says:

    Now that I’m retired, where the fuck were you assholes when I was working and I fucking needed you? What do you mean, you don’t serve breakfast! Get a fucking life! Quit being a fucking douche and serve up some shitty powdered eggs and stale fucking bagels. Show a little fucking initiative! gggggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

  35. Lisa Weber says:

    You people in Wales have strange bonding rituals. I want to visit!!!! I’m in Seattle, so it may take awhile. I hate to fly 🙂

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