Man accidentally discovers the one thing that’s guaranteed to turn a woman on

A man has discovered the Holy Grail of the human psyche – the one thing that turns every woman on.

George ‘George’ Simpleton made the discovery by accident when after he had ordered a takeaway from his local Chinese. He told GrumpyFuckers:

“I’d cleaned the kitchen before we had takeout but after we’d eaten, there were a few dirty dishes on the side. At about 10.30pm, Donald Trump came on telly and I can’t watch him on telly without punching someone in the face so I went out to the kitchen and cleaned up the rest of the dishes. That was that – until the following morning when the missis got up, went downstairs to let the dog out for a shit. A few minutes later, she came back up the stairs, all gooey-eyed and wearing one of those pink neglecteds. She looked like she was modelling for scatter cushions.

“I got scared because I’d never seen her like this before. Then she pounced on me and played my pink oboe for ten minutes before sitting on my face and pretending she was John Wayne. By the time I’d finished with her, she was walking like him – and all because she went downstairs in the morning to a clean kitchen. I’ll be doing those dishes again tonight, that’s for sure.”

Wife Brenda wasn’t available for comment as she was too busy recovering from her mammoth session to say anything.

George is hoping to write a book about his secret and make a bit of money from it

“I’m hoping to write a book about my secret and make a bit of money from it.” he said.