Record levels of dickheads were recorded last month, sparking fears that the world is in the midst of a dickhead pandemic.
The world saw a 14% rise in dickheads in the last month alone.
Professor Freddy Fuckface told Grumpy Fuckers:
“I’ve never seen it this bad in all my life and I’m an old fucker. I sent the boys out yesterday to collect data from across the world and when we sat down and put it all together, we were amazed. The world has never seen such a high population of dickheads. They’re everywhere – in work, at home – even down the disco. Everywhere you go, you’re knee deep in dickheads. I think that we are going to have to speak to the UN about this because this is unpresidented in modern day history. And yes, I did just say unpresidented.”
The rise in dickheads has been blamed on all sorts of shit. Professor Fuckface says that there is no one reason for the rise.
“Shit happens. This generation is stuck with the most amount of dickheads the world has ever seen. That’s all there is to it.”