Offices across the country are to introduce Prosecco coolers to keep their workers happy.
The drive is aimed at decreasing the number of grumpy fuckers who work in offices.
Campaigner Kayne EastbyNortheast told Grumpy Fuckers:
“We are aiming to have a Prosecco cooler in every office by the year 2020. Employers would see a significant increase in the happiness of their workers, and workplace would become a nice place to work once again. Over the last few decades, the office has become a place of doom and negativity. Our aim is to ply workers with huge amounts of Prosecco in order to reverse this trend. We tested it in our workplace and every day has been a great one. I can’t remember much about them but the photos are hilarious. Also, our Chief Executive has had to go off work as she’s now found out that she’s pregnant. By Phil in accounts I think. And Tina’s broken leg is healing nicely after her fall from the top of the photocopier.”
Prosecco coolers are expected to be installed in most offices throughout November.
“I can’t wait,” said one worker. “I’m going to get shit-faced every day.”