New Year’s Eve has been cancelled worldwide – because it’s shit.
The annual event traditionally sees millions of people wasting time and money on the big non-event. Authorities say that NYE will be cancelled for the foreseeable.
The local mayor told Grumpy Fuckers:
“I’ve been saying this shit for years – New Year’s Eve is a waste of everyone’s time. We all pay over the odds for a waste of time and then wake up the next day feeling even more shit. We’ve decided to cancel it nationwide to save people wasting their precious time. Everyone will thank us in the long run. All going well, we may even extend the ban to Christmas as well. Last year, my wife ran off with the local priest that I gave all my savings to so it’d be good to see that disappear too.”
One New Year’s Eve fan said:
“Oh well. I’m off to get shit-faced.”