Millions of people worldwide are silently suffering from a little-known condition that makes them grumpy, especially in the mornings.
Professor FourEyes, from Harvard University, classified the condition known as GrumpyFuckeritis last year. Yet lack of funding has meant that millions of people have yet to be diagnosed.
Prof FourEyes told GrumpyFuckers.com:
“Mornings are particular bad for sufferers of this condition. They wake up wanting to punch the shit out of anyone and anything. They stomp around muttering to themselves and the only thing that seems to alleviate their condition is coffee, even if it is a short-term fix. The effects of grumpyfuckeritis can last all day for some and you’ll typically find that they medicate themselves with several bottles of wine at the end of a day. Some even inject it directly into their bloodstream. It’s a condition that needs to be treated properly so we are keen to raise awareness of it.”
Grumpyfuckeritis sufferer Janet Scowl said:
“I asked for a fucking Americano. What’s this shit? I don’t want to speak to you. In fact, I don’t want to even look at you. Get the fuck out of my sight.”
Professor FourEyes added:
“This is a text-book reaction from someone suffering from grumpyfuckeritis. We only said ‘hello’ to her.”