News
Kids voted #1 reason why people drink
Sep
Children have been voted the #1 reason why people drink themselves into oblivion.
98% of piss-heads included in a recent survey, said that their kids were the main reason they drank themselves silly.
One participant said:
“I get up at 6.30am every day to get stuff ready for the little fuckers. I have to drag them out of bed because they don’t respond to me shouting up the stairs, I have to dress them, feed them and even tell them to take a shit because if I don’t, they won’t do it. After I get home from the school run, I sit down and have a bottle of brandy all to myself. Then I spend the day picking up all their shit in the house, ready for when they come back home from school, when they get it all back out again. I finally get them to bed about 10pm, after which, I open a bottle of vodka and drink that shit until I pass out. Then I’m up again at 6.30 the next day.”
Professor Ian Limpwrist, who conducted the survey said:
“It’s clear that children are the main reason why adults drink themselves into oblivion. If children were more grown-up, things would be a lot different around the world. As it is, they continue in their childish ways and we all have to put up with it.”
2020 been a bit shit? Get your Grumpy Fuckers 2021 Year Planner and start planning some better fucking times
Just wait until the little fuckers are old enough and large enough to get into real mischief (like taking your car). You’ll be taking your bourbon I.V.