Fire crews free woman trapped in own home by 150,000 cushions

A woman who couldn’t stop buying cushions has been freed from her home by the Fire Service.

Gaynor BonkEye has been buying cushions every day for nearly twenty years. Things came to a head over the weekend when she realised she couldn’t reach her front door.

She told Grumpy Fuckers:

“I was a twenty-a-day girl. It all started off with my settee and once that was completely full, I needed some for my bed. Things just got out of hand. I was down at the cushion shop most days but when things really started getting out of hand, I turned to Very on the internet. The deliveryman had to start leaving them outside as I couldn’t open the front door for cushions. The place was looking lovely but things were getting out of control, especially when I couldn’t reach the kitchen to make myself some food.”

Husband Simon, who left home three years ago after being replaced by a pillow in the shape of a kitten, said:

“It was ridiculous. I’m not surprised she had to call the Fire Brigade out. The woman was ill in the head.”

Fire crews took two hours to free Gaynor from her home. One fireman told Grumpy Fuckers:

“It looked dead comfy in there. We counted over 150,000 cushions and soft furnishings in there. I took a few home for my missis.”