87% population in a ‘serious’ relationship with coffee

A recent survey has shown that 87% of the world’s population is in a serious relationship with coffee.

Participants of the survey said that they’d rather have a serious relationship with coffee than a human being.

One coffee-lover told Grumpy Fuckers:

“I’ve found that I hate most people because they’re dickheads. I’d much rather have a relationship with a tall dark stranger that doesn’t answer back or let me down. I prefer to have a relationship with something that’s ready to give it to me first thing in the morning and at any point during the day – whenever I want it. I want something that smells good, tastes good and makes me feel alive – something that touches my very soul.”

Coffee was first invented by Keith Coffee in 1764, when he found some coffee beans lying on the floor in some jungle somewhere. He boiled some water in his kettle, put the beans in and invented the world’s first cup of coffee there and then. Since then, over 500 billion cups of coffee are sold every day.