A woman has filed for divorce after she discovered that her husband of seven years makes shit coffee.

Sally Grumble made the discovery after her husband attempted to make her breakfast in bed.

She told Grumpy Fuckers:

“I’ve been married to this dickhead for the last seven years and in all that time, I’ve made my own coffee. He was trying to get clever because he wanted to get his end away with me so he thought he would woo me with some breakfast in bed.

“I placed my order and waited. Half an hour later, he finally came in the room with a bowl of cornflakes and a cup of coffee. I like to have my cornflakes before I have my coffee so I ate my cornflakes and then moved onto my coffee. I like my coffee milky but this was like tramp’s ejaculate. I spat it out and immediately phoned my lawyer. There was a letter waiting for my husband on our doorstep within the hour.”

Mrs Grumble has not spoken to her husband since the cup of coffee.

“I never want to speak to that man again. That was seven years of my life I’ll never get back. I now need to find a man who not only has an 18 inch penis but can also make decent coffee. My DMs are open.”

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