Santa asking kids to leave out gin and donuts this year

Santa has reportedly been asking kids to leave out bottles of gin and boxes of donuts for him this year.

Santa’s rough year means that he’d appreciate gin and donuts, rather than the traditional milk and mince pies this Christmas.

He told Grumpy Fuckers:

“I get fed up of the same old shit, year in year out. This year, I want to have some fun so I’ve been asking the kids to leave out some gin and donuts for me. Christmas Eve will be so much more exciting knowing that I pissed off my head and stuffed full of cake. The kids have been very responsive so far and told me that they’ve leave out what I’ve asked for. I was going to be cheeky and ask for them to leave out some spliffs for me but I don’t want to push things too far. Maybe next year.”

One child said:

“I sat on Santa’s knee and reeled off what I wanted for Christmas. He then turned around and told me that I’d only get what I asked for if I left a bottle of gin and box of donuts out for him. I told him to leave it to me so I’m looking forward to getting all my presents this year.”