Russian father stripped of Dad’s Race Champion title at child’s Sports Day due to drug misuse

A Russian father has been stripped of his title of Father’s Champion at the Dad’s Race at his local school.

It follows news that Igor ‘Lightning Sneakers’ Nokabolokov had been using anabolic steroids for 6 months in preparation for the race.

Headteacher Timmy Smartshoes told WalesOnCraic:

“He went like shit off a shovel. Some of the other lads were still lacing up their sneakers by the time Igor got to the finish line. We suspected that something was up when he started injecting himself in his arse about half an hour before the race. He had no qualms about doing it in front of everyone. When he got to the start line, he was smacking himself around the face and making a noise like a horse braying. Our deputy head fired the gun and he was gone. We gave him the title of Lightning Sneakers because he won the race but then we started smelling a rat. We hauled him into my office and asked him outright whether he’d been taking any banned substances. We were there for 3 hours.”

The title of Lightning Sneakers, Champion of the Dads was later handed to Brian Gunt, who came in second on the day.