PROVEN: Women take three days to wake up every morning

Scientists have proven what most of us have thought all along – that women take three full days to wake up every morning.

The research was carried out by Dr Brendon ShortThighs, whose experiment took 6 years to complete due to female participants taking their time to fill out forms.

He told Grumpy Fuckers:

“I don’t think my wife has every woken up properly. Not since we’ve had a kid anyway. If you’ve ever seen The Walking Dead – it’s a bit like that. Every morning that she gets up, I can’t speak to her until she’s had her fix of coffee. After that, she sticks her fingers in an electric plug socket to give her a kick up the arse. And after that, she takes some hard core drugs to get through the day.”

One of the participants of the survey was going to comment on the report but couldn’t stop yawning.