Man who reached for the stars was just ‘pointlessly waving his arms around like an cockwomble’

A man who was told to go and reach for the stars has spent three hours waving his hands around pointlessly.

Charlie Fuckwit was given the inspirational speech by a life coach he’d paid handsomely.

Charlie said:




“I paid her a lot of money. She listened to all my problems and made me feel very special. I felt that she really cared about me. She told me to step outside of her large mansion, to get a grip, and to reach for the stars. Her speech filled me with positive vibes. I got straight on my bike and headed down to the nearest hill, just as dusk was approaching. I looked up at the majesty of the night sky. I recalled her words about how small I was and that I had to reach for the stars. I lifted my arms and reached.”

Charlie was somewhat disappointed though.

“After a several hours, I realised that they were billions of light years away and even with Inspector Gadget arms, I was never going to reach the stars. On reflection, I just stood there pointlessly waving my arms around like a cockwomble. I gained nothing from my experience, except for the idea that I’m going to become a life coach, take shitloads of money off people and tell them to go reach for the stars.”