Man lives dangerously by attempting to talk to wife before her morning coffee

A man has risked having his bollocks ripped off by trying to talk to his wife before she’s had her morning coffee.

Richard Dunce attempted to converse with his wife about his job before wife Glenda had taken a sip of her coffee.

Glenda told Grumpy Fuckers:

“I couldn’t quite believe what was happening. I hadn’t even lifted the cup to my lips when he came in the room without a care in the world and started talking about his shitty job. My jaw just dropped. He babbled on for a few minutes before he noticed that I wasn’t replying and was getting ready to rip his testicles off.”

Richard shut the fuck up as soon as he knew he was putting his life at risk.

“I thought she’d had a few sips and I didn’t even think. I just went into the room and started talking. It was only when I saw her pulling her fingernails out of the bed that I realised I was in trouble. I shut the fuck up and went straight to work,” said Richard.

He hasn’t returned home since.