Sarcasm has overtaken the English language to become the most popular language among over-40s.

The new figures show a correlation between an increasing general disappointment in life and increasing usage of sarcasm as a first language.

Professor Greypants of Noname University told Grumpy Fuckers:

“We have found a startling connection between increased age and the use of sarcasm as a first language. Essentially, what we’ve found is that the older you are, the more sarcastic you’re going to be. We think this is because when you set out in life, you have hopes and dreams and bags full of drive and determination. After a few decades of trying the same old shit and getting nowhere, you realise that is hasn’t worked. Fuckers internalise this and become bitter. They see members of the youth with their hopes and dreams and bags full of drive and determination and they realise that theirs has gone. That’s when they turn to sarcasm and that’s why we’re seeing these kind of numbers.”

The figures show that over 90% of over 40s use sarcasm as their first language.

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