Woman prepares for Christmas early by falling out with her family in November

A woman has fallen out with her family in November in a bid to prepare herself early for Christmas.

Glenda Wideflaps phoned her parents and siblings last night to call then ‘selfish cockwombles’ to start her festive fisticuffs.

She told Grumpy Fuckers:

“I always tend to leave things to the last minute so I thought I’d get started early this year. I’ve done all my Christmas shopping, put the tree up and cooked the turkey. All that was left for me to do was to kick off and cause an argument with my family. I called each member of my family and told them what I thought of them. They all started shouting and hollering so I think I’ve done well this year already. I’m hoping that they’ll come round and kick off with members of my family so that we can embrace the festive spirit properly.”

Glenda’s also hoping to fall out with her neighbours within the next week or so.

“I’ve started a few fires in my garden when their washing’s out and if that doesn’t work, I’m going to play Demi Roussos at full volume at 3am.”