Police given new powers to taser people who whistle non-tunes

Police have been given new powers to taser people who whistle no tune in particular.

People who whistle nothing in particular have become one of the world’s most annoying fuckers.

A spokesman for the police force told Grumpy Fuckers:

“These people are the scum of the earth. They go about their day, whistling any old shit without a care in the world. It’s not as if they’re even whistling anything that we can recognise. We are therefore happy to announce that we will now be able to taser any fucker who continues to whistle. Personally, I can’t wait to beat the shit out of them. It’ll take a lot of stress out of my day and make me a lot happier.”

Police will start training on Monday at about 11.30am when they get out of bed.