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Old fucker reports ‘too many birds’ in his local park
Aug
A 79-year-old man has filed a complaint with local authorities, claiming his local park contains too many birds.
Gordon Grumble claimed his local park was overrun with noisy, flappy bastards that stole his sandwich.
He told Grumpy Fuckers:
“I was sat on the park bench and about to eat a beef sandwich that my missis had made for me and as soon as I opened my sandwich box, I was surrounded by birds. I tried to kick them away but my corrective footwear went flying off. I struggled to get to my feet to retrieve my big shoe but I’m an old fucker and it hurt getting up. Stupidly, I left my sandwiches unguarded, and the flappy fuckers all started trying to get their greedy beaks on it as I made a dash for my shoe.
“By the time I’d got back to the bench with my shoe, the feathery fuckers were there eating my sandwich. I went straight to the local authorities and made a complaint. They told me to fuck off.”
Janice JiggleJugs of the local authority said Mr Grumble could shove his complaint up his arse.
