Fancy dress ‘Wolverine’ slices off own penis after attempting to scratch asshole

A Halloween party-goer has chopped off his penis after attempting to scratch his own asshole.

Brian DoubleGunt, from Boston, was attending a house party dressed up as the Marvel Comics superhero Wolverine, portrayed on screen by actor Hugh Jackman. Brian had sellotaped knives to a pair of rubber gloves to recreate Wolverine’s famous retractable claws.

He told GrumpyFuckers:

“I’ve been suffering with worms these last few days. They’ve been driving me crazy. I had some worming tablets before I came out but as I was dancing to Thriller in Brenda’s living room, I totally forgot about my retractable claws. As soon as my asshole started twitching, I did what any normal human would do and that was to put my hands down my pants to scratch it. Sadly, I forgot that I had a penis and I sliced it right off.”

Other party-goers rushed to Brian’s aid. One party-goer, dressed as Donald Trump, told GrumpyFuckers:

“Luckily, we’d just come back from Kwik Save with some frozen sprouts so we phoned for an ambulance and put his willy in with the sprouts. They said that they’d try and sew his willy back on which is good news indeed.”