Jazz musicians across the world have admitted for the first time that they just play any old shit they want.

The revelation comes after a local jazz festival was cancelled due to poor ticket sales.

Festival organiser Jimmy FlangeLips told GrumpyFuckers:

“We weren’t selling many tickets and we were trying to find out why. We tried to get a bit of feedback from people and they mainly said that they couldn’t sing along to the music because the musicians were playing a different tune each night. We put this to the musicians themselves and they admitted that they just play whatever they want.”

One musician, who didn’t want to be named said:

“I’ve never learned to play an instrument in my life. I just pick up a trumpet and play any old shit that comes out of my mouth. People love it and pay me good money to listen to it so why should I stop?”

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