Helpline opens to help women addicted to buying cushions

A telephone helpline has been set up for women who are obsessed with purchasing cushions.

Cushions Anonymous will allow women to call in confidence to talk about their addiction to buying soft furnishings. The line will also allow husbands who take second place to cushions in a marriage to call in.

Manager Lesley Spreadlegs told Grumpy Fuckers:

“This addiction is still a bit of a taboo, even in this day and age. We had a woman yesterday who had been to the local furniture shop and bought three shelves full of cushions. She had to hire a van to get them home. God knows where she’s going to keep them.”

Cushion addict Tina Plump added:

“I can’t help myself. My fella comes home from work but has to sit on the floor as the sofas are taken up with all my cushions. I’m glad this hotline is being set up because he can now phone them to moan about it instead of moaning to me from his lowly place on the floor.”