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96% of people tell their pets that they ‘won’t be long’ when they pop out

A recent survey has discovered that 96% of people tell their pets that they ‘won’t be long’ when they pop out.

The survey also showed that 100% of cats didn’t give a shit how long their owners were going to be out.

Dr Colin Underchafing told Grumpy Fuckers:

“While we eat some animals, we also like to keep some in our house and love them like family members. We wanted to look into how these people interact with their pets and we were surprised to learn that most people actually talk to their pets as if they are human. Our study found that most people felt a sense of guilt when leaving their pets and a staggering 96% of them told their pets that they wouldn’t be long when they headed out. In most cases, this was to make the owner feel better and in almost all cases, it was a very big lie.

“We spoke to the pets about this and while most dogs felt a sense of anxiety about being left alone, every single cat we spoke to said that they didn’t give a shit how long they were left alone for.”

One cat said:

“I hope they stay out all day. I can then shit in their slipper and invite all my mates around for a rave.”

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