Man seizes wrong day

A 46 year old man has seized the wrong day while trying to make his life more interesting.

Donny Dickwash was hoping to seize a Monday but seized a Tuesday instead.

He told Grumpy Fuckers:

“I never get anything right in life. Nothing. I once married a woman and it was only three months into the marriage that I realised that she had a cock. Only last week, I was driving down the road and the guy in the car in front chucked out a plum. For some reason, I thought it was a hand grenade so I swerved to avoid getting blown up and crashed into a petrol station, which blew up. I thought I’d try and add some positivity to my life after seeing a motivational picture that my friend had put on Facebook. The picture said ‘Seize The Day!’ so I did. Sadly for me, I seized a Tuesday when I was hoping for a Monday. I really am thick as shit.”

Donny said that he realises now why he hasn’t got any friends.

“I’m just a complete failure and that’s fine with me because that’s what my Mum always used to tell me so it sorta fits.”